Tuesday, November 30, 2010


The world sleeps, unaware.

In every dark corner of every posh tea room, in every glitzy glamour lounge, in every early bird special line, lurks danger. Not the petty danger of pickpockets or muggers, purse snatchers or knock off artists.  No, this danger goes beyond that - threatening the very fabric of our civilization.

These are the backroom deals, the murders under rug swept, the covert passing of secret information that exists only to disrupt and unravel governments. High stakes moves of high rollers at the highest levels, sometimes in high heels, and even more frequently, just plain high.

What defense do we have against such lurking evil? Is there light in the abyss?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. You have nothing to worry about as you go about your daily chores. You are protected. "Who," you ask, wringing your hands. "Who is our savior?"

The Double-O Dame.

With style, grace, style, class, and even more style, this seasoned secret agent helps protect us all against the most hideous crime lords ever to walk this planet.

Trained by the finest minds and equipped with the latest technology, the Double-O Dame excels at problem solving, able to discern what is good and what isn't.

More often than not, she runs into resistance. But does she back down?


She knows how to get what she wants...

..even if she has to use necessary force.

Because in the end, one thing is certain:

She always gets her man.

Rest easy, world. You are protected.

(To keep my already long story posts from being painfully longer, credit details are in the comment section below, or you can find credits to specific pictures on my Flickr Page! A directory of SLurls can be found here!)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Blip: Never get between a dame and a hair sale!

Hello darling! Can't talk.. in a rush! Hmm? Well, these are my Get-Out-Of-My-Way-Cow-There's-Sale-Hair-To-Be-Had clothing! Bliss Couture has a Thanksgiving sale where every hair is 50% off! As elegantly huge and luxurious as Bliss hair is, pound for pound you just can't beat that deal! Goodness darling, do get up - there's no time for fainting! The sale ends November 28th!

Oh tosh darling, please... of course I'm Team Jacob. I can't abide being on a team for someone that sparkles more than I do!

Hair: Bliss Couture. Head: Edith(!!!!) - vanille. On the right, Lucy - sugar. On the left: Elaine - caviar
Shirt: artilleri - Team Jacob
Sweater: Wrigglesworth - Wool Cardigan, cream
Pants: Happy Finds - Vintage Quilt Pants
Shoes: Gos - Posh Bootie
Glasses: Wrigglesworth - 80s Glasses
Necklace: Wrigglesworth - Pearl Necklace
Pose: Adorkable - Diva


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Oh little dog

Oh little dog how so you vex me
I let you down because you had to pee
Now you've run off and the day is late
And I have no biscuits to use as bait

Oh little dog how you vex me so
The grass is so high, someone really should mow
I can not see where you've run to play
You're having such fun, but must you stray?


Oh little dog how so you vex me
Don't you know you're my little sweet pea?
I can't do without you, my dearest old friend
Oh look, by the pond, I see your rear end!

Oh little dog how you vex me so
Come along Sammy, it's time to go!

(To keep my already long story posts from being painfully longer, credit details are in the comment section below, or you can find credits to specific pictures on my Flickr Page! A directory of SLurls can be found here!)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Spa Day!

Good afternoon, darling! So nice to see you again! Oh thank you - "radiant" is always a welcome compliment! Tosh, darling - of course I haven't had any work done - just some tender loving care from my favorite spa.

You can imagine after last night's adventure in late night rain traipsing, I woke up a complete mess. I didn't even bother trying to look decent as I left the house. I just threw on whatever covered me (and covered well, for heaven knows I didn't want anyone seeing me like that!) and headed out the door.

The spa I swear by has a cat that isn't overly fond of Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. Since he too needed some rejuvenation after his odyssey, I dropped him off at his doggy day spa before heading to my haven. Once I got to the reception area, I threw myself into a corner hoping no one would recognize me and waited.

What are you lookin' at cat?

 "Miss Edith! Oh. Mah. Gawd! What happened to you?!" My beloved Bishopess of Hair, Sheez Aho, gasped and made the sign of the cross as I looked up at her pitifully. "Oh no no NO, Miss Queen! You come with Sheez. We are gonna fix this!" She took my hand and guided me back to her chair.

 "Don't you worry Miss Edith! Sheez is gonna take good care of you!" I felt myself begin to relax as her thick, manly hands lathered and washed my frazzled hair. Before I knew it, I was robed, deep cleansed, micro-abraised, given a facial massage, and covered in glorious mud ("with extra cucumbers, Miss Queen. You need some of God's green help today!").

"Now then, you just relax here in my chair and I will work my magic on you!" I closed my eyes and put all my faith in Sheez's ability to return me to my former glory. "Yes, Miss Edith, you are gonna look so fabulous when we are done with you! Oh no... Oh what in gay hell..."

 "Miss Edith, you just keep those pretty blue eyes closed, ok? (Hey, Michel, hand me that bottle... no, not that one, the... erm.... SoluciĆ³n de Elmers... right, that one.) Ok Miss Edith, no peeking now! Can't have anyone discovering my trade secrets, can we? Just trust me - I'll have you good as new in no time. Better than new, even!

I must have dozed off during my transformation because the next thing I knew, my curlers were firmly in place and Sheez was helping me out of the chair. The delightful manicurist Madiene beckoned me to her nail station and I happily went.

Darling, if you don't have regular manicures, I cannot suggest them highly enough! Our hands take such a beating with all of that waving and holding of cocktails, let alone the sheer weight of the rings we wear! To have your hands pampered and fawned over is a singular joy!

"Ahh, Mees Ediff, joo look so sessy today!" My heart fluttered a bit as I heard Ripley's soft, accented voice behind me. I tittered and allowed him to lead me from the nail station to the massage table.

"There there, Mees Ediff, joo just let me help joo relax, k?"

Good heavens, darling, what that man can do with his hands, his arms, his elbows, and I blush to assume, his entire body!

His huge, warm hands seemed to sculpt my body and I felt myself melting into the table.

Whatever stress was left in me dissolved as I lay there under Ripley's strong, able hands and his soft, seductive eyes. I was so deep in bliss that when he was finished, I couldn't move. Well, of course I didn't want to get off his table, dear, but who would? Regardless of what I desired, at that point I was so relaxed I couldn't get up!

Oh darling, he is so strong! He picked me up oh so gently from his table and with the help of a few more strapping, equally alluring young men, got me situated in the chair for my foot treatment. I felt so cozy and loose, the whir of the foot bath soothed me into a light sleep. At some point an attendant came in to remove my mask, but I barely noticed. I was having such a nice dream...

I was startled awake by the beeping of the foot bath, which summoned Sheez to reappear and usher me back into her chair. "Now, Miss Edith," she said with giddy glee, rubbing her hands together. "Let's bang some hair!"

She pulled this way and that, folding hair over and under and then over again, working that comb and scissors with such skill and precision. Sheez is a true master - part architect, part sculptor, part mad scientist!

Slowly, my hair went from one form to another, and then another, and another. It was a metamorphosis - like watching a caterpillar go into it's cocoon...

...and then reemerge as a butterfly. Everyone gathered around and applauded as I came out of the final makeup and dressing room. Sheez wept and Madiene squealed in glee. Ripley declared that I was, in fact, too sexy!

I walked in feeling like a crumpled piece of week-old windblown newspaper, and walked out feeling like a shiny new roll of Hallmark holiday gift wrap! There was a spring in my step and sparkle in my eye! I was ready to get to my special event of the day - The Superhero Epilepsy Combat Syndicate benefit!

(To keep my already long story posts from being painfully longer, credit details are in the comment section below, or you can find credits to specific pictures on my Flickr Page! A directory of SLurls can be found here!)

Friday, November 5, 2010

Lost Dog, part 2

My sincerest apologies, darling, for taking so long to return with your refill. They put the caps so tightly on those olive jars these days, and my hands aren't what they used to be! Now, where were we? Oh yes! The record shop!

Well, my heart nearly stopped when I heard that creak come from upstairs - who knew what it could have been! I steadied my nerves and slowly ventured up to see if it was my beloved pooch. Alas, it wasn't Sammy, but a scruffy squatter!

"Hello? Yoohoo! Hello there?" I asked the slovenly waif laying on the floor. She seemed to be completely oblivious to the rain that poured down around her as she played on her video game. I repeated my greeting until I heard her grunt. "Have you seen a little dog? He is black and white..."

"Haven't seen it," she replied, before I could even finish my description.

"He's black and white, and little, and probably cold and scared and..."

The squatter pounded the floor with her fist, making me jump. "Arg! You made me mess up.. and I was so close to beating my all time high score in Pong! Rrraaawr! I haven't seen your little dog! Now beat it grandma!"

Well, needless to say I got out of there as fast as I could! My irritation over how I'd been treated strengthened my resolve. I muttered a mean hope that her contraption would short out from the leaking roof just as she got her high score! Feeling better, I headed back out into the rain to continue my search.

The rain was so cold, and despite my makeshift umbrella, I was completely soaked. And the lightning! Oh, darling, my nerves were so frazzled! I was certain I'd never find my sweet dog, and started thinking I'd meet my end right there in the gutter.

Of course, the thought of that just made me press on. I saw a flooded waterway leading to a tunnel and wondered if perhaps my little Sammy had gone in there. Well, yes, dear, of course I considered the utter destruction of my shoes, my stockings and perhaps my lovely dress if I went wading out into that murky water. But this is my little Sammy we're talking about, and clothes can be replaced! I hiked up my dress and in I went!

Oh darling, that water was frigid! I swear I felt things slithering against my legs as I waded to the tunnel. It looked ominous indeed, so I stood at the mouth of the tunnel and called out, "Sammy, darling, are you in there?"


I was startled to get an answer, but called back, "I'm looking for my little dog... his name is Sammy! Have you seen him?"


Well, yes dear, it occurred to me that someone might have been playing a joke on me, but there are other explanations as well. For instance, it could have been a nice gentleman down there who was hard of hearing! It's difficult finding nice older gents these days, so who was I to pass up an opportunity?

Well, I don't know what an old man would be doing in a tunnel in the middle of a thunderstorm, darling. When one is my age, and there's a possibility of romance, one doesn't stop to ask questions like that! I just went on into the tunnel to see who it was, and if she, preferably he, had seen Sammy.

Needless to say, I was rather disappointed. No Sammy, and no handsome-yet-hard-of-hearing gentleman. It was just an owl, who looked as perturbed as I was by the whole situation. At this point, I was almost ready to give up. I wandered back into the rain, not even bothering to call out anymore.

My only concern at this point was to find a dry place to sit and beg the assistance of some kind passerby in hopes someone had seen Sammy somewhere. I went up the stairs and was making my way to a store when I stopped in my tracks!

There, in the window of one of the shops, was a beautiful gown. As my eyes wandered up the lovely folds of fabric, I gasped! There, on top of the mannequin's head, was one of the most glorious hats I had ever seen! I moved closer to get a good look, wondering what other frocks I could pair that magnificent hat with, when I heard a rustle coming from inside a crumpled car-turned-art by the store.

It could have been a rat, or the wind, or my ears playing tricks on me, but it could also have been my dear Sammy! I allowed myself a glimmer of hope, and called out, "Sammy, darling? Is that you?"

Oh, how my heart just leaped in my chest when I saw that little rolly polly come wiggling out of the car! What a smart little critter my Sammy is! He was lost and couldn't find me either! I'm convinced he saw that hat in the window and knew, just knew, I'd be drawn to it, and decided to wait for me there.

I scooped him right up, huggled him tightly, and hailed a cab as soon as I could. I wanted nothing more than to get out of that rain and get home! Oh, thank you darling - Yes, a nice, hot bubble bath does wonders to relax and refresh after such a trying night. I plan to have one myself as soon as you bid your farewell. I've already booked an appointment for the spa tomorrow. I think I need some polish before I head back out into civilization again.

You have a most wonderful night too, darling! Dance joyfully and kick up your heels in my and Sammy's stead. I'll be back out in the mix before you know it!

(To keep my already long story posts from being painfully longer, credit details are in the comment section below, or you can find credits to specific pictures on my Flickr Page! A directory of SLurls can be found here!)